In reflecting on writing this blog, I thought it appropriate to start with the topic of vulnerability. It such a vital component of our lives while also being an unsung hero. It infiltrates our relationships with ourselves, others, and most importantly, our creator. If we don’t have vulnerability, we don’t have honesty or truth, and as Jesus says, the truth shall set you free. (Jn 8:31-32)
In my own struggles, I find this very difficult. Part of it is my personality, being stubborn and persistent, as well as ego, feeling that I can do things the right way and not admitting I can be wrong. Part of it is also fear, of judgement, ridicule, and failure. Now those may not always be outside forces and in fact with me, are usually inside. That voice that criticizes and reminds you of the past, thereby validating fears. However, we have to remind ourselves which voice to listen to; the one of truth or the one of deceit. I heard a sermon and there was a part that went something like “…you are in the valley between two voices. Who are you listening to? Which voice will you follow? One is wisdom, one is worry. One is gratitude, one is grumbling. One is blame, one is faith.”
I am definitely in the valley with this website and the direction I am trying to take this. I hear the voice of falsehood. “Why do you think you can start a website? You don’t have any background in development. You hate technology! What if you fail? This is too complicated; why don’t you just give up? No one is going to read your posts! Do you know how many websites and people are out there doing what you’re trying to do? People aren’t going to pay attention. Stop wasting your time.” Then there is the voice of belief. “You’re doing a great thing here. Someone out there needs you to speak. One little thing can change someone’s life around. Don’t worry about the money; God will provide. God put this in your heart and it keeps resurfacing because you NEED to do it. This is part of your calling. You have a responsibility to God and others. Just start and God will lead you; you don’t need the directions, just go.”
So while the battle rages on, what voice will I listen to? It may not always be the right one, but I know I have the Spirit on my side, guiding my mind and heart. If I succumb to the weak voice, I have lost. I must have the confidence and faith that will overcome that fear of the unknown. We have so many tools in our spiritual battles that we shouldn’t have fear. Yet, we are human and are faulty. That is where vulnerability with God comes in. We need to accept this is not our battle and we aren’t alone. Set aside the ego and the victim mentality. We are victors in the battle that God has already won for us. We just need to accept this and in doing so accept the truth.
Once we have accepted the truth, letting our guard down, God can go to work. He can finally fight our battles, lift our burdens, give us peace. From another sermon, “When we work, God rests and when we rest, God works.” Everyday is a new opportunity to say yes to the truth, yes to God, and no to the lies, no to that negative voice. Who are you listening to?
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