This last week has been rough, on a number of different levels. It resulted in me losing my cool late on Friday evening. Luckily, I’m blessed to have a partner that understands and while it wasn’t directed at her, she could see the frustration. Towards the end of the day, it was one thing after another that didn’t seem to be going as I had liked or planned. I’m sure we have all been there. One of those days where the smallest thing makes you break, like dropping a dish or getting your jacket caught in the door. It is Satan’s ploy to push you over when you are on the edge.
Now, in giving myself some grace, I have a lot going on. My commute to work is long. I have a house that needs a lot of work and sometimes I wonder if I bought a lemon. I’m tired of my sleeping situation as I feel sore and stiff when I wake up and don’t really get a full nights rest. Given it’s Lent, I am fasting every other day. That last one is very challenging for me because it results in low energy, lack of productivity throughout the day, hunger pains and headaches, and I love food so I spend most of those days just thinking about it! However, this all came to a head Friday when I was out running around after a long day, trying to fix our sump pump.
The problem occurred earlier in the week and I figured I would just fix it Friday when I got home. Like most projects, it entailed more labor than anticipated once we got everything out. My wife and I went to the hardware store and got everything then when I started working on it again, I realized I needed to go back. Strike 1. I could feel the frustration rising, as it was now almost 9:00 and I was hoping to be in bed by now. In the midst of this, we had also gotten a vacuum to aide us in the cleanup; it wasn’t working well and I needed to drop it back off. Strike 2. After leaving the store, the back window wouldn’t open to allow me to fit the long pipe out the back, so I managed it in the car another way. Strike 3.
Now by this point, I knew I was tired, irritable, frustrated, hungry, and should probably go to bed. I got home and somewhat lost it to my wife. Now I didn’t yell and it wasn’t directed at her. I was just venting about all the things that were bugging me and how over it I was. This is the point when the devil had won. I knew I had succumbed to focusing on all the wrong things, what wasn’t going like I wanted. It is a big flaw of mine, always focusing on what needs to be fixed. The cure? Gratitude. Thanking God for the trial because it humbles me. I didn’t remember that, as it’s hard in the moment to keep our eyes fixed on God rather than the problem. “Cast all your anxiety on Him, because He cares for you.” (1 Peter 5:7) It’s that arrogance piece. The “I can fix this.” The “I can handle this” But we can’t.
So I invite you when you have one of these trials, to just say “Jesus, help me. I need you.” I need to remember to do this myself and I know that even though I didn’t do it this time, God loves me. And He loves you too. So stay strong and humble my friends.
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